Brave new World

Finally heard from the Department of wildlife about my interview. They went with people who have more experience. I’ve chosen a set of jobs that a lot of people really want, so I guess it can’t be all that surprising. Still, it would have been exciting working out in the wilderness and learning all sorts of things about the lakes up in the San Luis Valley. Job hunting has become sort of a un-enjoyable thing for me now. It’s not that I haven’t been offered a job, in fact I’ve been offered 3 since February. All of these jobs however, have been overnight and working on the weekend. I’m just not ready for a job where I have to sacrifice seeing my son. It’s stupid that I feel like a weekend dad, but it’s in fact just what I am. That alone makes me feel sad, like I’ve been put into a mold that has very little dignity. So I live with what I’ve got and cherish it as long as I can, and with that I continue to look for a job that will work for me.

I’m still not sure about my chosen field of study( I’ve picked Biological Sciences in Fisheries). It’s a very long and complicated degree that requires a high intelligence, lots of studying, and basically a huge investment. I have a passion for the outdoors and fishing and would love to be able to help and make a big difference. The problem comes in when I think about all the other cool things I’d love to do. I love my artwork and I can’t think of a cooler job that being an artist or writer. I’ve never felt good enough to be a real artist or writer and by feeling that way I know I haven’t put ton’s of effort into it. I’m not sure where my insecurities come from, especially with people around me telling me I can do great. At least, now they are. I do a couple of things really well. Those things are the things that I love and don’t have to worry about other people critiquing, save for 1 or 2. I’m really enjoying my blog for just that reason, the fact that no one is reading it! I don’t have to worry about spelling and grammar (okay I can’t bring myself to mispell something if I can help it) and I don’t have to be critiqued.

All of this is funny too, since generally I won’t let other people put me down or critisize what I’m trying to accomplish. But we’re talking about decisions that will effect me for the rest of my life. Art is wonderful, but like most people, I’m pretty good at one type. That doesn’t mean I can go work just anywhere. Not to mention that there are thousands of really, really good artists doing their own thing and they haven’t got a job either!

I don’t want to make sacrifices. I won’t. So here I am.

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